All About Inclusion, Not About Exclusion
December 10, 1998
There is something about having an inferiority complex.
The ego in us all is self-destructive. Maybe it's the super-ego, like Kafka loved to hypothise on. But I know mine is particular dehabilitating. Perhaps it's a product of simply thinking too much, or the idea planted in my head early on that I was 'the smart one.'
The ego is self-destructive because, for all it's posturing and self-involvement, it is fragile. A simple flick of the wrist can send it shattering to the floor as if a rock were thrown through a stain glass window, the light gleeming off the fragments as they tumble throught the air, glinting colored light cascading across your face as you realize suddenly that you are not all that your mind has made you up to be.
What a great feeling it is to believe and be supported in knowing you are one of the best, that you can accomplish what you set out to. But it becomes a deeper hole to fall back into when suddenly you are attacked, blindsided, by situations and perspectives you did not know existed.. that shouldn't exist, but never the less knock you off your track and force you to make the sudden realization that your inate abilities can not help you.
What does it matter? It could be a relationship, a project, an attempt to understand yourself. Suddenly you aren't worth what you were half a second ago. No, she doesn't love you - how you could you be so blind? Your abilities don't matter when back room politics are involved - where the hell did that come from?
And either your ego saves you or lets you fall. Either way, you loose. Your ego can boost you up, blinding you to the truth that you are not all you thought yourself to be. It only delays the inevitable.
Because you fall into that pit of disillusionment
Overall, it keeps me in an inferiority complex.
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