That Inferior Feeling

October 14, 1998

You know, my ten year high school reunion is coming up.

I still have to send in the repsonse. Oh, yes, I am going. But I'm a touch worried.

You see, it's not that I'm not doing well for myself. I am doing pretty good. (No, you can't hit me up for money). I mean, I'm employed. I'm married. I've got a baby who just cute as the dickens. I've got a cool dog (who, granted, is a little psychotic). I've got a cat. I've got a house. Oh, and I've got you reading this. (grin)

Yeah, so I'm doing all right.

But, it may all be relative. I stay in touch with a lot of people I went to college with. And the crazy thing is, the majority of them are doing better than all right. CEO's, retirees at 35, company founders... you name it, they've really succeeded.

You know, I always seem to end up in the spot; the dumbest smart guy. You have that group of smart people, which I'm in, but I'm really just the court jester.

I suppose if I applied myself a bit more, I could be a little more successful, but I could never fathom becoming a CEO in 4 years. I can't imagine being able to retire at 35. And how do you just start a company, huh? Someone want to tell me so I can do it and be financially independant?

I'm not a idiot. But I look at people I was friends with in college, people I partied with, had to clean up and put in bed, explained the complexities of ISDN in 1991 to... and I'm just stuck wondering "Did I miss some sort of 'OK, All aboard the bus to opportunities slapping you in the face!' call?"

Yeah, by some standards, I could be called spoiled, but I've still worked for whatever I've gotten. I learn and learn and apply and apply. I've got a billion ideas screaming to get out of my head. I could change the world.

But in reality, I'm still just lower middle management in a huge corporation that has assigned me a random number to keep track of me.

And don't say "You have to make your own opportunities."

Overall, it keeps me in an inferiority complex.

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